My ex and I divorced when our was eight. When our would ask his dad if they could get together more, if he could live with him, the dad told that I wouldn't let him, which wasn't true. When our was a teen, he went through a tough, tough time. He hit me on one occasion, bruising my face and eye. When I protested and said it wasn't ok he said he'd do it again. I "kicked him out", ed the dad, and said it was his turn to parent. I didn't want to endorse any thinking that that hitting a woman was ok. It was hard for me to do, and it was hard on my especially since the GF kiched him out 2 months later for smoking a cig behind the garage. My eventually moved back in with me, went to college, and began a career. He began getting debilitating headaches w/vertigo about a year ago and is on medical leave. He moved in with his dad for a while, and was hopeful that he and his dad would finally connect. That didn't happen, so now he's with friends. My is now 26 has awesome friends, and a sweet, inteligent, supportive GF. But the the 'old' stuff it's coming up (we were shitty parents then, and still are). I'm not sure of the best way to handle it. I think when one knows more about the truth of a subject, a disease or hurt, that one is better able to deal with it. I have old letters/documents regarding things that transpired. I have a letter from the former GF apologizing to me for "distracting" the ex and contributing to the mess. I'm not sure if it's better to just keep my mouth shut and nod my head in agreement yea, you had it tough and it's really tough again; I'm sorry. I know I was a good mom. And the dad, although his non involvement made things tough for me and the kid, he's not a "bad" person just wasn't a very active dad (even with his other -) and deflects issues, makes excuses for things he'd rather not deal with as people do. Suggestions? Feedback? that gets clogged during rush hour, I had glanced away and looked back and I was about to rear end the car in front of me so I jerked the wheel to avoid them and my car fish tailed across 4 or 5 lanes of freeway and slammed into a wall. :(((((((((((( it was scary.