The downward spiral began 17 years ago, about the time my ex became pregnant with our. I had served my purpose as sperm donor and she no longer needed
Sweet adult ready sex encounter african flirt chat or wanted intimacy. Trying to do the right (Catholic) thing, I stayed in the loveless relationship, and was eventually beaten down from a lively, virile, and confident, to an absolutely emasculated shadow of such. After finally realizing I had to get out before it killed me, I left the marriage in. And then I met. She was gorgeous, unhappily married, and interested. I’ll never forget our first intimate moment – it had literally been years since I’d been with a woman and I felt like a teenager. She helped me to feel validated and desirable. The affair had to end but as she said, she had seen me come out of my cocoon. I began dating, trying to get my bearings post marriage. Didn’t want anything serious initially; was just trying to get my mojo back. In , I met and fell hard for her. She seemed to fall for me too. We promised to be there for each other and made plans for a future together. In , after almost 20 years with the company I had worked for, I was forced out of my job. As I was going through this and needed her most, abandoned me and the relationship. Over the course of a few days, both my livelihood and my heart were pulled from under my feet and I again felt knee-high to a grasshopper. Miraculously an employment opportunity presented itself in Monterey and I moved here last November. Such a beautiful and romantic place, but I’ve yet to as much as kiss a woman since my arrival. I tried online dating but was just beaten down for the most part. People can be so cruel, and I must be walking around with ‘Loser’ on my forehead, and/or ‘Kick Me’ on my backside, because that is what has happened. Comes straight back to again feeling emasculated. I have no confidence, no mojo. So there’s the downward spiral. Or maybe it’s a full circle because I have returned to where this all began alone, lonely, sad, and depressed.